Real intimacy is only possible to the degree that we can be honest about what we are
doing and feeling. Joyce Brothers
How would you define intimacy? The definition I am most interested in is “close familiarity or friendship.” Typically, we think of intimacy when considering those friends and family members to whom we readily tell our deep, maybe dark, secrets. Even the word itself suggests this deep connection — in-to-me-see. When asked, most people could easily count their intimate friends on one hand. You are probably doing so right now. But, do you ever consider your own relationship with yourself as intimate? In other words, did you count yourself as part of your inner intimate circle?
If your past has been anything like mine, you probably found it easier to get to know others than to be intimate with yourself. So, let’s expand on the earlier definition of intimacy to include ourselves. IMHO, intimacy is the experience of meeting who you really are (your true self) and feeling the mask or veneer you used to think you were (your ego) fall away. Yogis explain this state of being or connectedness as pure awareness, which they see as our natural birthright.
Furthermore, when we have an intimate, thus truthful, relationship with ourselves, we eclipse the fearful voice of our ego. Psychologists often refer to this voice as our Wounded Child. When our woundedness no longer overwhelms our truth, we have successfully healed ourselves from the social conditioning, compulsive habits and self-sabotage of the ego. As the anger and fear of the Wounded Child recede, we experience the rebirth of our Wonder Child. This part of us sees life as an adventure. It awakens each morning asking, “I wonder what will happen today?” It delights in the experience of new people and new events while fully accepting everything constantly changes, and so, thus, do we.
Ask yourself, “Who do I know best, my Wounded Child or my Wonder Child? Which of the two do I most often listen to? If you chose your Wounded Child, then very likely you are identifying with the voice of your ego, and it is in charge of your life. But, be aware, inauthentic people are not happy.
If you chose your Wonder Child, then you recognize that shedding your ego has gifted you with the space and time for learning, growth, transformation and enlightenment to take hold. Very likely your early childhood memories have opened up to you in new revealing ways. You feel more connected to yourself than ever before. Your voice of Pure Awareness is recognizable, and it has told you “there is nothing missing.” You can let go of longing, goals and desires. With the return of your Wonder Child, you once again know what joy is. Your calm, peaceful, sense of contentment echoes freedom from the baggage of past wounds.
Intimacy means that we’re safe enough to reveal the truth about ourselves in all its creative chaos. If a space is created in which … people are totally free to reveal their walls, then those walls, in time, will come down. Marianne Williamson
Be an ego destroyer. Break down the walls of fear and delusion. Step into the ultimate silence of your Self and let truth be revealed. I use my daily meditation practice to move beyond my ego, and then truth, in the voice of poetry, reveals itself to me.
The Silence of Self
Sweeping silence settles into me amidst
dynamic movement between uncertainty and creation.
Everywhere renovation and refinement
reflect the constantly changing nature of being.
First, the body signals where
awareness’s healing energy must take hold.
Then, deep-felt experience and infinite life force collaborate
to nurture the delicate balance of physical and spiritual.
Always preparing me, unfolding before me,
the ultimate silence of my Self births the essential.