In my mid- to late-twenties, I suffered with depression. In retrospect, I had undergone three S.E.E.s (significant emotional events) — my father’s death, the end of my romantic relationship, and the end of my softball career because of a coach’s abuse of power. When only one of these SEEs occurs, it is life changing. When three occur simultaneously, it is life shattering. And, my life as I knew it did shatter, not because of these three external events but because I did not have the internal awareness and skills to handle the crises and chaos that followed. Not surprising that my body and mind said “No more” and literally shut down.
I share the above narrative not seeking your pity but to illustrate the ways Life/Spirit speaks to us. Using softball as a metaphor, we get three strikes to hit the ball and move our game forward. In essence, I struck out on all three counts. So, when depression stopped me from doing anything or being anyone or going anywhere, I had to listen for new wisdom because my old habits were not working. They were not bringing me peace, love, and joy (well-being).
Consider this axiom — Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern. When I extrapolate this axiom to my youth, my pattern or habit of pleasing others left me in discontent and despair. Looking outside of ourselves for direction, dedication, and desire is a recipe for disaster. When we are not choosing and living from our heart’s desire, we evolve an emptiness of spirit within. IMHO, this is why many who step on a path of spirituality are fearful of the “void” or the stillness and silence encountered within our core being. These two “empty” spaces are not the same. The first is devoid of peace, love, and joy. The second is where all things spirit abide — inspiration, intuition, creation, contentment, and of course, peace, love, joy.
If we are unable to hear our inner messenger, then Life will present us with external events rich with lessons. These external events hold up a mirror for us to see who we are, right here and right now. In this way, we can decide if we are being who we want and are meant to be. It is always our choice as to who we become.
In my poem below, I attempt to capture this very special inside journey to joy.
Core Being
At one’s core await balance and integration,
a balanced cooperation between alone and together,
a synthesis of old identities with emerging heart’s desire.
At one’s core rest the stillness and silence of home,
a still space where infinite potential occupies the body,
a silence free of pain-avoidance and pleasure-seeking.
At one’s core glimpse wisdom and bliss,
a wisdom teased forth in deeply-buried, ancient truths,
a bliss that knows truth, beauty, and goodness.
For more yoga actions and teachings, click here. Namaste.
