Recently, during a yoga class, I attempted a two-legged “Malasana (Squat) to Handstand (Adho Mukha Vrksasana)” and succeeded on the first attempt. When I returned to my feet to try again, my following attempts were unsuccessful. Needless to say, my experience left me asking why. Why can’t I repeat what I have already done? Why can’t I do this version of handstand, when I have been doing the scissor-kick variation for over 20 years? Eventually, the questions morphed into: What is holding me back? What am I afraid of? The entire experience, posture through to aftermath, was an interesting lesson in curiosity versus fear. For the first attempt, I was curious, and the pose was EASY and EFFORTLESS to do. Every attempt after that was fear-filled, full of striving, not easy, not effortless, and not successful. Seems crazy and irrational, but true.
Whenever I discover fear rising from within, I am always reminded of this acronym — F.E.A.R. or False Evidence Appearing Real. Given my recent experience, was my fear misplaced and delusional or real?
My point in sharing my experience is to illustrate how life’s events present opportunities for us to grow into the next great version of who we want to be, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In my case, my body showed me I have the capacity to do the yoga pose; however, my mind (more specifically, my ego) denied me, in subsequent attempts, the full integration of mind-body-spirit that occurs when one is in harmony. This awareness moved me to ask the deeper question: Where am I out of harmony? As I have come to marvel at and respect, the answer arose from within quickly. Understanding that answer is a more complex and slower-to-integrate process.
My yoga/meditation practice continually reveals my samskara to strive and drive through life. Samskaras are deep mental and psychological impressions, habits, or conditioned patterns stored in the unconscious mind that serve as the basis for karma. They are formed by past actions, thoughts, and experiences, creating habitual reactions that can be positive or negative. As a negative samskara, striving and driving imply wilful action with an associated agenda or end goal in mind (i.e., achievement, admiration, ambition, etc.). Such conditioned habits are impulsive and lack the thoughtful, caring awareness necessary for balance (harmonious integration). More importantly, impulsiveness is not intuitive intelligence, which allows for truth and wisdom to prevail.
To simplify, an overriding desire to achieve can drive me to accomplish goals. However, impulse also distracts me from intuitive wisdom wherein contentment, wonder, and joy reside. Furthermore, the effect of a “strive and drive” modus operandi is energetically measured by times of high and low energy: a bipolar rhythm when in its extreme. When I consider the continuum depicted below, the middle way, from my own experience, is where the richest life exists.
Curiosity emerges from the innocence of not knowing and the willingness to learn. As long as we lead with curiosity, contentment and joy prevail, no matter what else is. Stay curious, and all else will be provided for your learning, growth, and enjoyment. Let curiosity, wonder, and delight prevail!
For more yoga actions and teachings, click here. Namaste.
