For several months I have been meditating on letting go of desire and ambition. Why you might ask? Because desire and ambition surface from perceptions of need, and neediness is not how I intend to be in the world. When any of us are feeling needy, we are living in fear and likely making fear-based decisions. My practice is to be, say and do quite the opposite, that is, to illuminate and challenge my fears and to choose love instead.
What I do know about desire and ambition is how deeply they are conditioned and buried within me. I feel a growing dissatisfaction rising to the surface. The words don’t flow as easily. These are familiar signals. I have been here before. This is not something I can push to the surface and eradicate or avoid by ignoring. The process requires listening, understanding, acceptance and trust. I have peeled away many layers of mistrust — disbelief, cynicism, arrogance — only to find yet another vein to be mined.
What we desire and are ambitious for is worldly success in the form of money, power or fame. What we discover is when we fulfill one desire, a hundred more fill its space in our mind keeping us in a never-ending game of pursuit. What we also discover is no amount of success will realize our soul’s calling — joy. The journey through life is the return to innocence and joy. These qualities already exist within.
So, today, I am peeling away layers of desire and ambition that block my ability to express joy. This will not be realized by doing, but rather by undoing the past. My patience will be tested, and I will have to wait quietly for the answers I seek. When I confront these hurdles is when meditation saves my day. And that is where you will find me — on my meditation mat, undoing desire and choosing fulfillment over success.
Of Bone and Stone
Today my consciousness sleeps.
The voice within I so love to hear
Does not call out to me.
Silence reverberates against my inner walls,
and I blend into life, barely discernable.
Am I disappearing? Or becoming one with all?
Earlier, we spoke of boundaries,
the need for them, the losses without.
I see how mine separate and unite.
Shared memories buried deeply
within bone and stone, rise up
and awaken what is heartfelt.
There is life here.
October 2011
What desires in the external world of fame and fortune keep you racing to catch up? Take 5 deep breaths — slow, deep inhales and exhales — and take your awareness to your heart. What do you feel right here, right now?
