One of my greatest challenges in living fully present is to stand confidently in the stillness of emergence. You know that place . . . where nothing seems to be happening . . . where it feels as though nothing is moving and you have come to a plateau or landing but cannot see or sense your next step . . . where even your inner world is quiet of inspiration . . . where all you can do is wait.
I have been in this still place before. I know how great the learning and rewards are when I patiently allow the unfolding to occur on its own time clock. Nonetheless, here is where detachment and surrender can evade me. Where fear and self-doubt can bubble up and try to overwhelm me.
Today, I am working on relaxing and releasing these negative emotions while I witness my inner earthquake of destruction and wonder what it is that will be laid to waste. I approach these uncomfortable feelings by entering into them and holding my awareness at their source location in my body. This eases the heaviness. And, of course, I write. Putting my inner experience on paper allows me to understand who I am.
My poem below captures this time of plateau or landing and its requisite uncertainty and stillness.
The Landing
I am invited to land here, at the water’s edge
in this vast sea of experience.
My mind’s eye rests,
and full with the silence of emergence,
I float in the blue haze of stillness.
I so love the sound of silence.
My inner mental life thinks, this must be joy.
So subtle. So peaceful.
This surreal sensation, birthed
from the absence
of once-felt angst and urgency,
now accompanies uncertainty.
What is this landing? Where is everyone?
Tho’ alone in my mind,
with the homes of those I wish for
still not inhabited, the promise
of a soulful community takes shape.
March 2011
Can you recall a recent time of landing for yourself? Were you able to sit in its stillness and await its unfolding? Or instead, did you press your will to act on the event?