The change from one identity to another is a long, slow march. Even though, on November 30, 2010, I ended my old ‘life’ and the very next day began a new one, I once again had to ask and answer the age old questions – Who am I? Why am I here? How can I best contribute? Each redefinition of self is a refinement process not unlike the gradual reforming of the diamond from the lump of coal. Each piece of life one sheds — infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, old age — is merely the ‘skin’ coating a way of being, which is pressing for release to make room for the next awaiting identity.
In my youth, I naively leapt from one identity, one relationship, to the next with little consideration for the consequences. Imagining that I could change everything overnight, including myself, I blithely and willfully sought immediate gratification. Although this way of being speaks to a certain kind of ‘living in the moment’, wisdom and truth were not its gifts; nor was the gentle freedom that emerges with moment-to-moment awareness. In particular, the wisdom and freedom in recognizing that the new identity can only be known through our day-to-day experience of it. Each day provides us with multiple opportunities to polish and refine another facet of our character allowing us a better view of who we are becoming.
Cultivating a new relationship takes both energy and time, and since our relationship with ourselves is our longest running and most intimate, why wouldn’t we give it all the patience and perseverance necessary to create something so worthwhile — a best friend. So, once again, I am best-friending myself and gaining intimate and valuable knowledge along the way. Knowing what that next identity is matters little compared to being free of limiting ways. I choose freedom.
Re-Forming
Life dreams like that, always
lifting me above the mundane, the pain.
I need only to let go and listen
to know the truth.
Nothing here to fear, just defying gravity.
Beam me up, Life,
levitate my new form into being.
Who I see is free.
What I see is freedom.
May 2011
